My Dear Darling Husband Jayson...

So where is Jayson? I WILL TELL YAH...

On early morning of May 4, 2013 Yllac and me took Jayson to the airport and sent him to his new job to Qatar.

-the end.

not really. Am i the biggest annoying jerk you've ever met huh?

anyway, that's not all. Back to the airport, I hope i didn't cause him to be late on his new job because I hugged him extra longer and cried a little than i expected. But we have to do this for our family. We've always dreamed of a new adventure. We always wanted to do something new, to live somewhere new. Meet different kinds of people. We want to learn more about some parts of the the world we don't know. I love Bataan, I love Philippines. But we want something new. And that's what we're doing right now. So, Jayson moved out first. Hopefully with God's blessing, Yllac and me will move with Jayson early next year and start a new adventure as a family.

I miss my husband. Jayson and I, we've been together for 8 years. We see each other everyday since we started dating. He is my friend. I think in my mind he is my only friend since I moved back in Bataan. Before him, I was a bit of a loner. I can do pretty much everything my own. I eat alone. I watch the movies alone. I shop alone. I go to the gym alone. Pathetic loser. And then I met him and my world changed. I changed. With him I found someone who can take care of me. He loves me and does everything for me. He spoiled me rotten and suddenly I cannot function without him. Again, pathetic loser. Know what? romantically speaking that is super great. In real life and as a person, it is bad.  Real bad. Very bad. I can see that now. Because he's such a great pal and i love doing things with him that I cannot do a simple errand outside our home without him. Heck, I cannot even go out and buy a loaf of bread without him. Yup, that's me again - one big pathetic loser. 

My husband, he's a good man. I was never alone on my check up when I was pregnant with Yllac and never once did he let me go alone on Yllac's baby check up. I thank God for his dedication to us. He is a great husband and a great great Dad. We're so lucky God threw him over to us. And God knows I did a pretty great job catching him. So the first month he was away from us was difficult. Suddenly my rock was taken away from me and I am back to doing everything my own. The first few days was hard on me. Painfully challenging and it can get lonely if I keep on looking back on how things were used to be. So I did my very best not to do that and slooooowly, very sloooowly (woohoo!!!) I am glad to say, that I am getting my groove back. I am jazzing my way to trust myself again. I am braver. Well, not to toot my own horn, but boy-oh boy, I will have you know, that I am a good driver now.  I don't complain anymore. At least not out loud. Single parenting is hard. But it is the kind of "hard" where you become a good decision maker, it's the kind of "hard" where you feel like you can drive for miles and navigate any traffic, so you become independent and efficient. And above all,  there's no time for silly whining. Because who would listen to you the moment you feel like bitching about something right? Twitter and facebook are full of that, so you gulp it down and dwell only on the good stuff.

My life with Jayson is good. I don't want him away from me. It's not my story to tell but Jayson was under a lot of stress from his old job and very unhappy. But he's happy at his new job now. For once, I can hear him talk about his job with excitement. That's the kind of Jayson I miss for so long. He is happy and I want him to be happy. We skype twice a day. Thank you internet. You rock! I think, now that we're away from each other, we talk more than we used to. It makes me keep a pen and paper next to me all the time, and write the silly stuff and stories that happened that day, so I won't forget. So Jayson won't ever feel left out. I know he misses us. It hurts to think about that. But this is good for him and for our family. We are in this stage of our marriage where we need to sacrifice our being together for a while and look forward towards our future. In my heart that will be soon. Both of us making our own sweet lemonades from the lemons life give us. But I guess this is not bad at all. I am learning yet again. So this is all good.

Have i already told you that I miss Jayson? So much. Very much. His body and presence so familiar to me - the way he moves, his scent, even the sound of his heartbeat i know when i hug him. God, I miss his warm foot. My cold feet sure do miss their snuggles. I could go on forever talking about how i miss him but it seem cruel to torture ourselves with that. Let's just put it this way, I miss him and I love him more than my iced cafe latte and chicken adobo. 

on a very related note, i will have you know that I fixed our broken toilet flush this week. All by myself. So this is aaaaall good my friend.  

on a very unrelated note - SHOP UPDATE!!!

Happy Tuesday folks!