Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

August 14, 2012

Little Promises

us

us, March, 2008

I have been married to this man for a good 4 years (and counting) now. I married him because he is cool and have i told you how much I love him too? And i think I loved him even more starting two days ago. You see, this man of mine hates being late but he married me, the good 'ol me for always being late. See? love is blind and crazy and sometimes it just left you with no other choice. I am a very lucky girl. Him? I am not too sure. Let's just say that he is a man of many many many virtues. Anyway, two days ago, he told me something so sweet my knees melted like a coffee crumble ice cream under the sun. He said (listen to his wisdom you guys) that no matter how long it takes for me to get ready to dress up, (you know the whole girl ritual of putting on your face and changing outfits 3 times and shoes at the last minute) he will never, ever, rush me anymore, even though Yllac just can't wait to get out of the door, screaming his lungs out, he will and will never get angry at me. So after a lot of mental wooohoooo going on inside me, I asked him why? Well, according to him, he is always proud of me as his wife. He takes pride in introducing me to people as his wife. Part of it, HE SAID (not me okay) is that I am beautiful (promise, no force here), part of how I look depends on how much time or if given the time to prep myself up....

gee thanks. Honesty much?

Have I told you how much I love this man?

..well in my defense, it takes a lot of time to prepare everything for the whole family each time we leave the house. If you're a mom or a mom figure, you know what I am talking about right? The mom is always the last one to get prettified. Hello, you there, Mom of more than one, hats off to you my friend. The world is a better place because of you. 

So...maybe my "ill be ready in a minute dear" won't be heard more than once in our household from now on? Oh my! Have I told you I married a good man? I can never forget his face last Saturday when he made that new little promise. It was the first time i really stopped to get a good look at him in days. His sparkling eyes happy but a little tired, drooping a little at the corners, his tiny laugh lines pronounced. His jaw and upper lips dusted with sprinkles of stubble and wonder when was the last time he actually slept. You see, I always get a good night sleep when he is around so I forgot about all his sleep if he's getting any. So I made a secret right-back-atcha promise to him that I, Denise Katipunera, won't touch my computer when he's home. Sorry, it's not i-will-get-faster-getting-dressed-dear promise kind of thing. It's an impossible promise. But as his wife that once promised him to be tender and not go all Cruella De Vil to him for as long as we're married, I am gonna give up my computer rights when he's home. Pinky swear I will. You know what? This is marriage, little promises you are willing to keep, little sacrifices and little petty quarrels. 

When he proposed to me, I said I do right away when I can't see a thing but feel the cold ring he slipped into my not-so-fat-fingers then. It was so dark I didn't see him dropped to his knees and can't really remember his proposal speech because all am trying to get a good look at was the ring. Slowly as my eyes adjusted to the dark, I can finally see the ring. I was little. I can see his eyes. It was huge. And I can finally see his face, so nervous as if he's trying so hard not to laugh. I could see something else there too. Something that promised years of laughter. Promise of friendship and respect, of being challenged at every turn and growing into a better person for it. Of hot, stolen, hunka bunka moments in the dark. Of long (pre Yllac) and short lazy mornings in bed. Of always knowing someone's got your back no matter what kind of trouble finds you.   

And id never been so sure of any answer in my life, but of course I do,sure,yes,why not, to hold tight and be true until we both go to that big 'ol heartbreak hotel in the sky. 

ps,

Have i ever told you how much i love this man?

have I mentioned how much I love this man?

yes I do. Yes I do.  

June 8, 2012

On Being Beautiful


Mommy and Yllac
Mommy and Yllac
Mommy and Yllac

There was a time in my life that I hate so much. And I hate myself a million times for letting these ugly things happen to me. It was my darkest days. Full of hate and zero happiness. I see genuinely happy people, and I think to myself , I wish I had let myself feel happier. Then a genius thought came over me, that one afternoon I was all by myself boiling in ugly memories, crying and depressed. I had a silly thought that turned into a dream I will pursue for the rest of my days. I had realized that all I ever wanted for my life is to be beautiful. I wanted for my thoughts to be beautiful. I wanted for my home to be beautiful, my feelings beautiful, my words beautiful. I wanted a beautiful future, that everyday I will wake up to a beautiful day. I honestly wanted to fill every hole and aches of my life with beauty. I know it's a lot of work, I wanted it all because my life isn't beautiful at that time. It's a dream worth pursuing. It seemed crazy, silly and shallow, but to a person like me before, i was left with no choice. God made a beautiful world. Everywhere, we see the beauty he has created. A loving family, falling in love and friendship. There's beauty in every corner. The ocean, the animals, the stars at night are so beautiful. So living in hate, I feel like I am dishonoring God by ignoring all these beautiful things he created for me to enjoy. I prayed for passion in my life since then. Passion to feel and a deep understanding for all things different than me. Passion to learn and to somehow make an impact on what surrounds us. God created beauty and I am one of his creations, so why spoil it. 

I feel like I have a beautiful life right now. We have a beautiful life. We don't have everything and we always fall short. But I am far away from my sad hateful years. So I guess this is beautiful.

And my life now wouldn't be beautiful If I didn't let Jayson feel, everyday, how much I love him. I want it to be something he knows for sure every single night before he goes to sleep, no doubts, no questions asked.  

Life isn't beautiful without Yllac. I want him to be healthy and happy. And healthy and stronger each day. I can't imagine life without my baby. Sometimes fear would be so great just thinking about my son being sick. Oh I worry everyday. I am not entirely sure if that's a good thing but it keeps me loving him more everyday and to protect him, and be a Mom. I have learned that being a Mom for 17 short months now is about giving my whole self to him. It is about forgetting the world, the expectations. It’s about getting down on the floor, and really playing. It's not always easy but finding beauty each time I smell his hair, and sing to him, and whispering I love you's a hundred times a day, is all worth it. 

Life isn't beautiful without my coke zero. Lots of them. Life is so much beautiful with cheese and peanut butter sandwich and once a week bag of potato chips. All by myself.

Sometimes life sucks. But life is still beautiful. It's ones choice to live and think and speak in beauty. It's a choice I made years ago and I am pretty sure I made the right choice. For what it's worth, I have made myself a beautiful life. Never perfect. Just Beautiful. 
    

March 27, 2012

Hot and Cold and Colds


yllac and momma

Yllac and I are fighting a nasty cold for days now. Yllac won his battle and looks like this cold pinned me down so good I can't get up. I hate sick days. I hate that last week's weather was so weird. Humid hot for the first half of the day and suddenly out of nowhere here comes the rain for the rest of the day. Hot + cold, what do you get? Coldsss. Thank God Jayson doesn't get sick. I love him more because of that. 

Thank you so much for all the loving and touching messages and emails you sent me regarding my baby koffy. And also for sharing your pet stories with me. They made me cry, but after a good cry, it took all that heaviness in my heart. Miraculously after writing this blog, he ate the next day. Am sorry if I made you somehow sad. I guess am that desperate to beg for people's prayers. And thank you for praying for him. I want you to know that it worked. I know this won't be the last of the many episodes concerning his health but am more at peace now and yeah, I need to stop being sad about all these. Koffy has brought so much joy and love in our lives and he's a blessing to everyone who knows him and I need to focus more on that. Ill take every single day at a time and always remember (because i tend to take matters into my own hands most times) that God is in control of everything.

God bless, take care.

March 17, 2012

Happy Birthday!


32nd birthday
32nd birthday

For my 32nd birthday, all I ever wanted is a big-juicy-fat-meaty crab. Swear, that's all i want. But then my dear sweet husband insisted we do a birthday week which started last Monday by doing all the things i want. Obviously i asked for sleep and ice cream and cupcakes and lot's of coffee (in any time of my liking) and a McDonald's quarter pounder at any meal of the day i want. So you see, I am a very very happy girl. Then the day after my birthday, my dear sweet husband surprised me with a cake and a balloon. So yeah, what more can I ask for right? But that's not the end of it. You see, you're all so generous of your time to greet me through twitter, facebook, emails and text messages and calls. I am loved beyond my imagination. Thank you so much. To everyone; whether just chancing upon this blog for the first time or dedicated internet friend from the beginning, thank you, thank you, and thank you! I definitely appreciate the comments, 'likes', follows, love and of course... hate-mail and a couple of angry comments (even the angry birds take some effort in letting me know how much I suck, hehe)! A simple 'thank you' will never be enough so if I can help in any way, please let me know.You have no idea how much you've been a huge source of blessing to me. Thank you so much. There's nothing I could ask for, for I have my family always here with me. My baby is a happy, healthy one. Koffy is doing exceptionally well and doing a good recovery from his recent health scare. My super generous mom and dad and my brother, even though we're far far far away from each other, I sure know they're in such good caring hands of our maker. So am at peace here. I guess that's all i ever ask from the God above, peace and love. And it's been two years that I am practicing my day and night job as a "Mom". Am good. Am good. And last but never the least, the man of my dreams, the man i asked from God, his name starts with H and ends with u-s-b-a-n-d. (am i corny or whuuut?)  My husband....i love and adore, my husband so patient with me and loves me and spoils me rotten good ever since the day we met. My husband! I love calling him that. Husband, I love you so much. 

Oh gosh! I love getting old. It gets only better and better am a tell you.

March 15, 2012

32 Today!!!!


32 tomorrow

March 2, 2012

Anonymous


Anonymous

(This is probably the hardest blog post i've written so far, swear!)

First of all, i allow comments in this blog, many are truly inspiring, made me laugh and some are not so nice because I wanna keep the balance in my head. A little bit of evil feedback is good.

But....

Why is it that we know what is right, but still we do what is wrong? As hard as doing the right thing is, acknowledging our own responsibility is even more harder. We say nasty things and let "anonymous" take the responsibility for it. How in the world did we get to this sorry state, where we assume that honesty is speaking of awful things to a person and is considered part of your freedom and is a good thing? I hope you realize that all these comments revealed your inner contempt and your total disregard for others. To me and to all who read it. Besides, honesty and cowardice don't exist together. Saying horrible things may have felt good for a bit but let me tell you something and think about this real hard, the only people who don't experience a disturbing tension between the good that we're supposed to do and the evil we practice are sociopaths. It is the lack of guilty conscience that enables sociopaths to indulge their appetites for evil activities. And I hope in my heart you are not in that road.

I started this blog just for me and my husband, my friends and maybe the only person i expect to read this blog is my Mom and now my Dad because of Yllac. But I am glad that after so many years you have become a huge part of this blog too. Thinking about the nicest of people i came to know because of this blog... oh amazing feeling. This is my home and you are always welcome, a happy place for me and to all the people who enjoy and love to visit from time to time. In real life we do not go inside to someone's home and point to them one by one what's wrong with their home and boss them around. In the world of normal people we don't do that because that is downright rude in any culture and race. I figure that this blog gives me so much freedom and share that freedom with internet friends too. But I'm not open for insult and ridicule especially my family. I tried to ignore all those ugly comments and think that it will all go away in time, but it came to a point that it's not healthy anymore for me, my family and the friends of Denise Katipunera. I thought you comment anonymously because you don't have any url. I guess I assume wrong this time. Some people comment anonymously simply because they're not brave enough that's all. And honestly they remind me of the people who told me scary pregnancy stories back when I was pregnant with Yllac. I mean why do that? I am pregnant, which is a happy thing and you're scaring me? Personally It's my choice to remember what's good and pleasant and share that here because that is a good thing.

These last couple of weeks it made me think about entitlement. Funny thing, it used to be a big struggle for me. Huge! And after so many years i think it died now a natural death inside me. I used to think that i am entitled to some kind everything. That I am entitled to some kind of attention, some kind of love, relationship. friendship, loyalty, time, recognition, respect and to certain kind of life, and a whole lot more of my personal baggage i can't believe i carried for years. Now I just don't care anymore. I have learned to accept the littlest of things people can give me and appreciate that to the fullest of my being so I'll be content and be blessed by that. All things extra now, I consider them bagoong on my manggang hilaw. c",)

Am okay. Am good. 

And i apologize if some comments here offended you. And also I thank you for speaking for me. I appreciate the spirit of friendship so sweet within us.  

February 11, 2012

Just So You Know, I am Yours To Keep 4ever


When Im 64

There are nights I just couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning and staring up the ceiling bores me to death. It's not about the coffee i took three hours before bedtime. Am sure bout that. It's those thoughts that boggles my mind. I sometimes worry. But all those worries disappear soon as my cold feet felt my husband's warm foot. It never fails to calm me down. If there's only one thing that scares me now is the thought of what if i never met my husband, what if we didn't get married? My life has no Yllac for sure. I am unloved, restless and no home, and miserable and angry. And last night that thought shook my very core once again. Every little bump and hiccup and struggle suddenly didn't bother me anymore because i know, my man and i will always figure everything out. With him, we always figure out. With him, i love my life just the way it is. 

So every time some dark thoughts begin to over power me, all i need to do is to feel his foot. His warmth is God's way of saying you don't need to worry, or for a more understandable phrase for a dummy like me : shut up girl, i gave him to you didn't I? I am sure that God made his point to me very clear when Jayson first messaged me back in the summer of 2004, back in the day to a book sale trip we made, back in the day when we became friends, back in the day when we start to like and fall in love and talk for 26 hours a day, back in the day when we first kissed, when we can't stand the day not seeing each other anymore, back in the day we got married... that's a clear message that i will never be alone for the rest of my life. So worry not, I have Jayson. And he have me too. Forever and ever.

January 16, 2012

Once Upon A Time There Was a Boy Named Peter Pan, Who Decided Not To Grow Up.

alone

February 2009

deeply, deeply sad tonight

it's one of those days..... i wish i (we) don't have to grow up.

December 29, 2011

Hey Husband!

yellow and red

Wanna elope? My treat.

love, Maria Wrestlemania

ps, i love you love you love you love you love you.

December 27, 2011

My Absolute Favorite Day

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Untitled-1
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Question!

When was the last time you spent a day with all the people you love most?

Me? Definitely on Yllac's dedication last November 12. It was my perfect kind of day. I wish everyday is a baby dedication day, or a birthday, or my wedding so I have an excuse to have them all gathered in one place even for just a day.

December 3, 2011

I Can't Sleep

DSC_9374

The last time I was this excited was year, last December, the day before I gave birth. I just can't sleep. It's the combination of excitement and inspiration for the unknown. But am pretty sure it's gonna be great. I am so excited right now Am gonna wet my bed. Ill probably give myself a stroke tonight for tomorrow's anticipation for Bloggers United Bazaar and the Philippine Blog Awards awarding night and tomorrow is the day that I will say goodbye, at least for a while to my parents. It's time they go back to their planet. I am very happy for tomorrow but am sad too. I love tomorrow but I hate it too. I feel a bit broken now. Not half empy, not half full. Like an egg, when it's a bit cracked. You know, it's like one morning you wake up and it's a crazy crazy day, so you are just trying to get through the day without falling apart.

I am confused. But I am sure my heart is so used to this. It'll get by.

Anyway, goodnight friends.

November 29, 2011

Friends, I Need Your Blessings

Denise <span class=

....or I will throw myself down this road.

If you don't understand what am talking about , it's okay, It's me. You see a couple of months ago I got an email from The Philippine Blog Awards that I received a nomination for the Beauty and Fashion category, all thanks to Ezra Montemayor for nominating me. And today, a very special day, I made the final cut. See here. (Evidence????) Seriously? The Philippine Blog Awards???? Big Deal! It made me really happy to think that there's someone out there thinking of me as a "blogger". Sometimes it's difficult for me to believe in myself and in what I do. Most of the time I cringe at the thought of me actually reaching out to people, afraid am being arrogant for accepting praise and comments, afraid it would get into my head. Because seriously how can it not get into your head?

Blogging changed my life. But not really. You know what I mean?

Recently my family got hold of an old magazine where I got a little feature alongside other Manila's top bloggers. My brother was like "Ate Ikaw to? Nasa magazine ka? Paano?" (Ate, is this you? You we're in a magazine? How?) Why didn't you tell us? ...well among many-more-other questions. I have no idea why I didn't told them. I can't remember my reasons last year. I know it's a big deal, at least for me. Deep inside it is. I am happy. Am leaping with joy. I remember not sleeping out of excitement. But each time am about to tell them I shrug it all off and think it's not that big a deal. So forgive me for not telling this one to you. I tried to make a post about it, but it never happened. Again I don't know why. Guess, I really need to believe in myself more.

You see I blogged because I am a loser. I still feel the same way till now. But that's another story I will tell you soon since I am (now) confident enough to admit how much of a loser I am.

It's a crazy world out there. But am glad I have come to "meet" you all here. I am grateful for you. I don't say that because I wanna butter you up. c",) But seriously am happy doing this little thing called blogging. Am glad that through Denise Katipunera, I am able to talk about my life as a wife and a mother in a positive way and to share with you my latest fashion interests and my thrift adventures. I am happy here. Denise Katipunera is my other home and I hope you feel that you're always welcome in here.

Anyway, this is long.

I am happy that's all.

I hope you're happy for me too.

love, Denise

ps,
i finally told my Mom bout this and she took me out shopping today. But Ill stick to my recent thrift finds. After all I look so much better in ukay dresses.

pps,
this is my 5th attempt to publish this post. I am the oldest chicken in the whole world. true story!

ppppppssss,
I wanna win.

October 27, 2011

Everyday .....

brown (6)

an old photo, Summer of 2009


I wish I were big enough to honestly admit all my shortcomings.
Brilliant enough to accept praise without it making me arrogant.
Tall enough to tower over dishonesty.
Strong enough to welcome criticism.
Compassionate enough to understand human frailties.
Wise enough to recognize mistakes.

Humble enough to appreciate greatness.
Brave enough to stand by my friends.
Human enough to be thoughtful of my neighbor.
And spiritual enough to be devoted to the love of God.

-- Author unknown --


October 21, 2011

This Week According to iphone

RedShoes of the week. Soon at  shoeetiquette.blogspot.com
Reaching for each other. Cute.I said SMILE and they both looked at me.
Koffy's a real guard dog esp on foodOn the bullet is yllac's gooey version of our lunch today
Every.meal.time!3am. Hungry. Cold left overs will  do
I like my money where i can see it. Each time i look down "hey money there you are! "
Washing machine operator
Found a baby inside a washing machine i think ill take him homeStrollers are for shopping bags
All veggie

Got the best shopping deal this week. Saw a baby inside a washing machine and i took him home. For FREE! c",)

Have an amazing weekend everyone.

October 20, 2011

Show and Tell. What A Crazy Difference Three Years Can Make

Hello everyone! I want you to meet my friends.

It all started fourteen years ago, but that's just toooo long ago, so Ill just start from three years ago......

3 years ago at our wedding
3 years ago at our wedding
3 years ago at our wedding

three years ago on our wedding we looked like this. Crazy ei?And then we all decided to make babies. Nope! Not those two guys already doing it in-front of everybody. I know, It's really sad, but for some reason they can't conceive. They could have been a great couple.

Friends

See? Like a pandemonium, one after the other started popping out. It's crazier. Babies are love but it's a riot having them all in one place. But it's really nice that we are these people now. Loud. Happy. Mommies and Daddies.

Friends

Case in point #1. The classic father example. Once they become dads you can never see them anymore without a diaper bag and stroller on their side. And some of them may, let's say, hmmm over eat or lose weight. I don't know. You tell me.

Friends

Case in point #2. (all together now) aawwww! Yup. He is a great Dad. A very doting, loving, giving Dad. A sacrificing Dad. He'll sacrifice a meal or two all for his oh so cute 5 month old daughter. No wonder she's bigger than him.

Friends
FriendsFriends

Case in point #3. The proud parents. Yes we all are. We carry our babies, flaunt them like a shiny new bling, like on a show-and-tell. Annoying to non-parents I know, but soon you'll be like us too.

To be honest it's a blur to me the things we used to talk about before parenthood. It's weird that all we can ever talk about now are diapers, milk, sleeping pattern, allergies, cetaphil, fever, tantrums, pre-school and whatever that pops into our mommy brain. I remember asking one of my friend a month after giving birth the things we concerned ourselves back when we were single. Because I just can't remember anymore. It was like being a mom gives you amnesia for all the stupid things you've made. How convenient right? But It's really like that. Anyway all am saying is, wait till you have a baby to finally say, "don't sweat the small stuff". Because babies are no small stuff. Okay, yes they are small but they're kind of a diva and they will change you forever. Babies are like, "I am not gonna change for you mommy, no-oh, I am gonna change you".

Friends
Friends

Case in point #4. Every single meal is a battle. Am a tell you, you fight for every bite.

Friends

Case in point #5. Every place is a freaking photo op. We're officially annoying. Unbelievable.

14 years ago not one of us thought we'd be like this. Dates are harder to organize now depending on the moods of each baby, but look at us, we're all over the place and just happy and crowded and harassed. Yeah like a real parent. Three years huh? Yup, We've come a long long loooong way.

Okay, that's all for now for a show and tell. Goodnight everyone.

ps,

All photos we're taken by our very good looking friend Jeffrey Mendoza, aka the guy in black on the last photo, aka our still single friend, aka looking/single and soooo ready to mingle, aka but he's not that desperate, aka actually he's into photography, aka if you think you love him already shoot me an email at harukijayden@yahoo.com and let's not waste the beauty that he is. Madaming nagugutom sa mundo, Bawal magsayang. c",)


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