Looking Back

We miss Koffy everyday. Not a day gone by we didn't think of him. It had been more than two  months since we had sent our dear baby Koffy back to Heaven. It will always be painful looking back at the last six months of Koffy's life, but I have no choice but to look back, because that's the only way to remember him. I have regrets and I blame myself for all the things I haven't done for him. I cry for the things we do not have now as a family because he's not here anymore. I wish he could have lived longer for Yllac. I wish they were playing now. I wish Yllac would remember him just a little. Some say, it's for the better, at least I can focus being a mom of one. But I don't want my life to be easy. There will always be a dog in my  life who will solely depend on me. A helpless "child" i will take care for as long as forever. I have the unfortunately perspective of losing a love of my life. I wish my life was busy with two, a baby boy and a dog. But I loved them both with everything that I had in me, and in turn, they have taught me what it is to love, and to fight, and to hope, and ultimately, how to be a mother. One thing I have learned about letting go and mourning - it never gets easy. You move on, but a little sad part of you longs to stay behind. I really hope one day Id be able to remember Koffy without sadness. Someday....

Alone Time

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die...

-Anonymous

So Long Koffy

 

We're heartbroken.

Sad.

With you gone, our family isn't the same.

Our home seem so huge without you.

Woke up this morning, No tail shaking, no tongue wagging, no butt smelling.

Just silence.

We miss you Koffy. We love you forever.

Goodbye for now. See you on the other side.

What Am I Happy About Lately According To iphone

Koffy picked up his toy for the very first time since ......

Hot and Cold and Colds

Yllac and I are fighting a nasty cold for days now. Yllac won his battle and looks like this cold pinned me down so good I can't get up. I hate sick days. I hate that last week's weather was so weird. Humid hot for the first half of the day and suddenly out of nowhere here comes the rain for the rest of the day. Hot + cold, what do you get? Coldsss. Thank God Jayson doesn't get sick. I love him more because of that. 

Thank you so much for all the loving and touching messages and emails you sent me regarding my baby koffy. And also for sharing your pet stories with me. They made me cry, but after a good cry, it took all that heaviness in my heart. Miraculously after writing this blog, he ate the next day. Am sorry if I made you somehow sad. I guess am that desperate to beg for people's prayers. And thank you for praying for him. I want you to know that it worked. I know this won't be the last of the many episodes concerning his health but am more at peace now and yeah, I need to stop being sad about all these. Koffy has brought so much joy and love in our lives and he's a blessing to everyone who knows him and I need to focus more on that. Ill take every single day at a time and always remember (because i tend to take matters into my own hands most times) that God is in control of everything.

God bless, take care.

A Huge Chunk Of My Heart Is Sad For A While Now

Koffy's been sick for the last 6 months now. And it's been half a year that my heart is aching for this beautiful creature. I find it hard to talk about him and his whole condition without thinking of the negative possibilities. Jayson and I are doing our best to take care of him and we've come to a point of not talking about Koffy anymore but just to do our routine to keep him strong and happy. 

Koffy's gone blind now. 

And I've been crying since then. It's so hard not to. His beautiful brown eyes turned into a lifeless sad color of gray a couple of weeks ago due to his liver disease. He's taking so much medication. So much I don't think his body can take them anymore. It just breaks my heart on those nights I hear him cry. We'd hug him and pray for him. I want him to live forever. He's a dog, my dog, he's sweet. If he's a person, he'd be perfect. We love him so much. Maybe I am being selfish here, or I'm stupid not to think that dogs don't live long like humans do. Maybe that's his only fault - his life is short. Maybe if God favors me he'd make him see again and give him twenty more years. I know I'm asking too much but that's all I can do right now, to ask for so much more. And please if you're reading this, say him your prayers of healing. And if it's not too much, pray for me too, to have a big strong heart to accept graciously what's to come. 

Please...

Thank you.

Because, I'm kind of broken lately. And i feel that it's not good for my family.

Happy Birthday!

For my 32nd birthday, all I ever wanted is a big-juicy-fat-meaty crab. Swear, that's all i want. But then my dear sweet husband insisted we do a birthday week which started last Monday by doing all the things i want. Obviously i asked for sleep and ice cream and cupcakes and lot's of coffee (in any time of my liking) and a McDonald's quarter pounder at any meal of the day i want. So you see, I am a very very happy girl. Then the day after my birthday, my dear sweet husband surprised me with a cake and a balloon. So yeah, what more can I ask for right? But that's not the end of it. You see, you're all so generous of your time to greet me through twitter, facebook, emails and text messages and calls. I am loved beyond my imagination. Thank you so much. To everyone; whether just chancing upon this blog for the first time or dedicated internet friend from the beginning, thank you, thank you, and thank you! I definitely appreciate the comments, 'likes', follows, love and of course... hate-mail and a couple of angry comments (even the angry birds take some effort in letting me know how much I suck, hehe)! A simple 'thank you' will never be enough so if I can help in any way, please let me know.You have no idea how much you've been a huge source of blessing to me. Thank you so much. There's nothing I could ask for, for I have my family always here with me. My baby is a happy, healthy one. Koffy is doing exceptionally well and doing a good recovery from his recent health scare. My super generous mom and dad and my brother, even though we're far far far away from each other, I sure know they're in such good caring hands of our maker. So am at peace here. I guess that's all i ever ask from the God above, peace and love. And it's been two years that I am practicing my day and night job as a "Mom". Am good. Am good. And last but never the least, the man of my dreams, the man i asked from God, his name starts with H and ends with u-s-b-a-n-d. (am i corny or whuuut?)  My husband....i love and adore, my husband so patient with me and loves me and spoils me rotten good ever since the day we met. My husband! I love calling him that. Husband, I love you so much. 

Oh gosh! I love getting old. It gets only better and better am a tell you.

Over The Weekend

Last week, our weekend fell on a Sunday and Monday. Instead of staying home and catch up on sleep (it won't happen anyway) we took the boys out for a walk and made it a coffee date for me and Jayson as well. Aside from that Yllac only walks in circles now, he also happen to do this squishy-duck-face a lot these days. Which isn't bad at all. He cracks me up. Imagine a face like that from morning to night. Imagine the joy i felt each time i see a face like that. Such a treat am a tell you.

Yllac hates his shirt that day. He was screaming from the time we left our home, but soon as his foot touched the ground everything's forgotten. 

Well well well, what do we have here? Koffy sporting the headless look. Cute ei?

The following day, husband took us to the beach and bought me ice cream and by look on my face Id win the ugliest face in ice cream eating contest. Yes?

and here is Yllac looking at the water like it's milk.

we took a lot of photos that day and took home a lot of sand in our shoes too. Thanks Yllac!

These two..... am jealous. Yllac likes Daddy more than Mommy these days. Please tell me it's just a phase...

And now it's time for my outfit shot. Bet you already know it didn't happen, but you know what, I love that I was joined by a waving girl in the background and Yllac playing peekaboo with my dress. 

........ c",)

I love my life now more than ever.

Typhoon Pedring According To My iphone Photos

September 27, 2011

It's just the usual Tuesday morning, only there's a typhoon coming and they say it's gonna be mighty strong. So we made a plan to just sleep it off, enjoy the cold nice wind it will bring. Next thing we know the power's off,the rain has been non stop since the early morning, leaves flying on our windows and the wind seems to be singing in a very angry tune. I went to peek outside and slowly (or so i thought) there's a small flow of water running down our street. I ignored it. Five minutes later it was up to half a foot high. Of course I woke up the husband because water aren't supposed to be running rampant through the street. After he saw the situation he said only one word, "pack". So I did. He called his Dad to come pick us up. A little over ten minutes later my father-in-law arrived with his big ol' rusty farm jeep. Oh was I glad to see that jeep, to me that looks more like a submarine because I don't see any of it's wheel anymore. Yup. The water's that high. And Dad's jeep isn't easy to climb. So we left our home only with one overnight bag, a huge bag of diapers and a kilo of dog food not sure if the home we left that morning will be the same one we'll be returning home again. And since the electricity is off for the rest of our province we decided to stay in a hotel because honestly after the evacuation I can't face another trauma of a crying baby that can't sleep without air-conditioning. With most of the hotels fully booked swarmed by parents with babies, we just got lucky we got the very last room just in time. Am just a bit torn that in a crisis like this, we had to leave Koffy with my parents-in-law because, you know, pets aren't allowed in hotels.

Looking back am glad am the kind of a panic that is numb to panic and just weighs the situation into two categories: okay or bad. When I saw the flood starting it gave me a bad feeling that this is not alright. Something-Ondoy could happen again. Two days ago is not exactly what people call a cuddle-weather. It was more like lets-get-out-of-here-right-now-weather. Though I am worried with all of our things we left, our car, Shoe Etiquette! heck! that's our life we left there, I need (somehow) to cheer up. We're all safe, that's all that matters. A huge part of me is relieved that our lives was never really in danger. That the flood only reached almost the floors of our car and did not reach our home, but still I am holding on to some very raw, scared feelings from the experience. seeing people walk outside with the water as high as their waist is really scary. I feel as if Jayson and I have to parents in a whole new level, in a way we never had to before - to fight back our own fears and put on a brave calm demeanor for each other and for our Yllac. To see him safe, healthy and happy, that's all that matters.

Now, we're all home safe. Yllac and Jayson now sleeping and Koffy here at my foot snoring.

Honestly, am not really that shaken. (But I am. LIAR!) We had to do what we had to do while we were at the hotel. And at the back of my mind, well why do you think I took these photos for anyway? (Beeeecause I am sooooo gonna blog about this!) This is my first flood experience, so why not make it appear a bit of dramatic so worthy of a blogpost? But seriously, at the hotel, it was quite nice. It's like finding a reason to check-in into a hotel that's five minutes away from home, stay there as a family all day long, just being together. Gee, thanks Pedring for being such a good excuse. But seriously don't ever come back again. We can't afford you anymore.

Anyway, hope everyone is okay right now, dry, safe, happy and healthy - That's all that matters.