Denise Katipunera: I Am Bah-bah...

Irrelevant photo? Check!

Yllac poking this small butterfly a week ago, and BAM it moved. He's a good screamer. I feel safe with him.

Saying that I have a very complicated baby these days is an understatement. Oh well, thee-thee, pamalamadingdong, let me count the ways...

Let's say, for instance, I am gonna tell you that I hate it when people don't eat my food. When I say people, I only mean Yllac. As his bahbah (that's code for mama) i need to make sure that his food is not too cold and not even warm. He's in no way having any British blood in him but he likes his food in a perfect room temperature. And when it's not.... yah know what I mean? And anything meaty, I have to make sure that it's been broken-in first. Most days, I feel like I am a bird more than a human being.

As his bahbah I can only dress him in shorts that's above his knee and no long sleeved top. Anything below the knee (except for pants of course) would unleash the end-of-days. At least for us two.

As his bahbah, I know (and this he gets from me) that he is the most imperfect sleeper. It's good to produce one of my kind so there will be someone for him for the rest of his life to understand what it's like to need sleep but you just can't get it. But it breaks my heart seeing him all exhausted but can't seem to sleep it off on his own. Right now, all that I ever want as a mother is to have a special power or magic or whatchamacallit or spell to make him sleep in a snap of my finger, or to make him stay asleep and dreaming for as long as i want, aaaaaand to have this power to make him wake up all happy and cheery when Im all toasty and good to wake up too. Because this past few days he's my little white sheep every morning, complaining every little details of where should i pat him, or where should be my left arm go, or the blanket isn't covering all of his body and legs. I mean, come on Yllac, you're not even three and this is the drama we're having every day, every morning.

He is very complicated. Playtime isn't all about play and being laid back these days, when Elmo isn't sitting straight (elmo has no backbone fyi) he'd scream for me, "bahbah bahbah, emo, emooooo!", so i would get rid of elmo and replaced it with mickey mouse. The other day his choo-choo train ran out of batteries, so he screamed for me, all tears and goo streaming down his face. My poor little baby, all emotional and loud for his age. Sometimes watching him in full rage is equal parts amusing and terrifying. Mothers, yah feel me?

Honestly, there were times I find myself asking when am I gonna have my "life" back. Like, when am I gonna have a full long bath? Or when I am gonna wash and condition my hair again? Or I can just settle for a simple blow dry. God knows I've been dreaming for that night where I can sleep on my side again or to eat real food to warm my stomach for instance... (oh God please, no more Jollibee!!!) Or, it would be great to have an hour or two so I can answer emails, visit people's blogs and leave comments. I miss doing those. Or to have a quiet day so I can answer emails and visit people's blogs and to reply or just leave comments. I miss doing those. Or to have one afternoon for myself inside a coffee shop without having to chase another human being while I enjoy my very cold brain-freezing yummy iced latte. Anyway, anyway, anyway... you know what, Yllac is my purpose in life. Sometimes I forget that, I have to keep that in mind. Maybe even before I was born, God planned to create Yllac and plans to hand him to me. To me, his bahbah. This little boy dude - stubborn and bright eyed, and me, we're a great team. Maybe in 18 years time we'll figure this all out, but now, He is for me and I for him. So now we just snuggle. Snuggle, snuggle, snuggle....His little hands clutching my arms holding so close to his chest, never letting me go.