A few weeks ago Yllac wanted to chase these stray puppies. I stopped him. So he cried and it broke my heart. So yeah, I did what any good mother would do. I let him go and let him ran after them. Anyway he ended up crying again because he didn't get near any of them, not even close. Poor puppies, so terrified of my little boy. If only Koffy was here....Oh gosh, we miss you Koffy.
I've been thinking about the past years of my life lately. I am pretty surprised how much I changed. How different I have become. I am 32, a wife and a mother. But I know everything just didn't sneak up on me. I grew up pretty slow. Taking up responsibility was a slow process for me. But the good thing is, I got there. I still dread paying bills and doing a weekly budget plan will always be tricky but I am doing them like an adult. Like on-time-and-not-a-day-late-adult. I am amazed at this whole growing up thing, even when you are already grown. You know what I mean? I admit I still am silly at cooking and I prefer cake over vegetables but like every morning when Yllac wakes me up and smiles at me, and hug me and slap my butt like a bongo drums, my mind automatically think of breakfast we can both share. We make cereal with milk and a slice of egg pie. We sometimes go back to bed and eat our breakfast there and I'll have a crazy realization that I am doing the same thing with my parents when I was young. For some reason, splitting my food with Yllac, or peeling off the grapes skin before I give it to him seems so adult and parental. The simplest of things like reading to Yllac, or scooping him up when he falls and hush him when he starts to cry, or making the bed, or making a grocery shopping list, doing house repairs, talking to Jayson over the phone when he's at work telling each other our days and paying bills and carrying Yllac on my hips while I prepare something in the kitchen feels like a responsible thing I do now. They are simple things but it comes off naturally and it brings peace and joy knowing I do them now because I am a mother and I have a family of my own. Ten years ago all of these seems strange and impossible. And these are the simple things that smacks me in the face that says, you're an adult parent Denise! ADULT!
It's weird because it felt like it happened so fast, and so right...being married and being a Mom. I wonder if this is exactly what everybody feels towards growing up. Or maybe this is just a little part of growing up. The disbelief that we are growing up. Maybe decades from now, id be blowing my 90th birthday cake and still think how the heck is it possible that I am 90 years old. The same feeling of, I just found out we were pregnant and now Yllac is turning two! , and it was 2004 when Jayson and I first talked again since high school and now we're soon celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. Amazing how time flies by. Jayson and I, we were just high school classmates, we were 25, now we are Mom and Dad. It all goes by so quickly. I guess the trick is to grasp everything, live in the moment, keep all the beautiful memories and tuck it away in the safest place of your heart and take them out when you need it. Time is fast but it also makes a lot of wonderful memories. And that's what I like most about time - memories. Lots and lots and lots of memories.