August 15, 2013

Fake it...




Now, I will tell you something most Mothers will not likely tell you...

This past year of motherhood has pushed my “Fake it till you make it” mantra to new level. There are days, like most parents, I had moments of complete and utter failure and doubting my abilities to do the best for my son and for myself. Everyday I am recalling some of my little successes, little wins and even rewarding feedback as a sweet fruit of motherhood just to give me a boost. But sometimes (I mean most days, sshhhhhh) I am just faking it until I make it.

Single parenting is very challenging. Like capital H-A-R-D. So hats off to you all moms out there with more than on kiddo and especially to all single moms. I mean, how in the world do you do it?

As some of you may know, Jayson is away right now, so id like to call our parenting style as long-distance parenting, or skype-parenting. (wish I can sleep while Jayson is sitting Yllac via skype. like a skype bubble sitter that puts a baby in a cage tall crib or something like that.. Hey internet when are you coming up with that?) Yeah, I know! I make up fancy words now. I know! I am even imagining fake terms and making it happen. Well, you know, making lemonades out of my lemons?? It is working, so whatever.

So lately I had a little house and car trouble going on. And when your car breaks you don't ever ever EVER kick it, especially your house too. It does not work that way. Believe me, I tried. You have to bring your car to the nearest auto shop so it can get fixed. You don't cry, you don't shed a tear. Maybe you can scream a little but you gotta do it with a lot of courage while tucking away your fear and doubt far far away. To believe in yourself that you can do things you haven't done before. All you have to do is fake that courage and it will morph into a forced courage and before you know it, it will translate to something real.

Mix of anxiety and fear rages inside us sometimes. Especially when you do everything on your own. Sometimes you just have to laugh it off  because what else can you possibly do when your toddler is having a very public meltdown while pushing a very heavy grocery cart??? Nothing really. My desire to do right by my son, it  is overwhelming. There is so much to consider and I wanted to do so much but most times I am afraid to do anything.  And so, in those moments, I fake it. I pretend that I am not scared. I pretend that I am capable. And almost every time, somewhere along the way, my pretend courage becomes real courage. I am trying to make it. In spite of myself ( the real Denise is a wuss), little steps at a time, I am doing it.

Know what, when the doubt of inexperience and the fear of the unknown wants to knock you down, Fake it till you make it, folks. We are all truly capable of everything. It's okay to be afraid, slowly that fear won't matter, soon as you try

So, sup with you all folks?

2 comments:

Janis said...

Hi! I didnt know Jayson is away @ at the moment... well, parenting is hard being together, i cannot imagine being alone should Kaiser goes some place else... nakakaloka kasi nakaka panic mode tlg...

You handle your troubles well and it's inspiring... i never thought you'd fake something re: these matters... i've always pegged you to be the toughest one...

Bubby's Mummy said...

Parenting is hard. Single parenting is even harder. You don't ave to pretend you're capable because you already prove every single moment that you are.

It's ok to cry and have a tantrum, just pick and dust yourself up after you're done and carry on. We all have our weak moments and frustrations. It's even harder when you don't have anyone to vent with or even someone to just tell you to your face to snap out of it (because sometimes we need that too as much as a good cry)

You're doing a great job!

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