About 4 weeks ago,( fyi, laptops don't live long as humans) my super old gigantor laptop took it's last breath by blinking on me for a microsecond and never to return again. I did my best to revive it by poking and tapping but it's too late. I even performed some computer CPR by blowing some air all over it, but It died on me, And just like that it was gone. (whyyy??? GOD why???). Then as quickly as it died I told Jayson right away. He said he was relieved and happy that it finally died. RUDE! I love that laptop. It's like a pet to me. And when your pet die you don't go rush and get another one right? RIGHT? You should hear me sigh for days and weeks every time I look at my dead, lifeless cold "gadget". I look at my hotdog fingers and sigh because my fingers miss those squeaky keyboard. Oh, you should have seen Yllac tried to press the cd-thingy-rom and when it won't pop out he's as hysterical as me.
Jayson is right. I should have replaced it a long time ago. But I don't want to. Am comfortable with it. Am a tell yah, to be honest I wanted a new one. But I am dreading the change. I dread for going inside store after store looking for the perfect one. Plus I hate to pay for a new one. This new phase for me puts me in a limbo. Starting over.
...you still with me? yup! still talking about the laptop.
In those weeks that I am laptop-less (okay, it sounded like a hip term for nudie) I got myself some fresh dose of silence and peace. I know it's not the laptop's fault that I am anxious and "busy" and all-over-the-place state of mind most days. Mainly It's just me. So I challenged myself, I won't think about this blog and see what more can I do with my time away from the computer. The first thing I did was to go house-helper-less forever. But I think the decision behind that was not about the laptop. It's time for me to be independent regarding everything. You know, preparing for the future...And so far, it's been difficult but fun. Single parenting an almost two year old toddler without an extra pair of hand is .....WOW! that's all I can say for now. But I am enjoying it. Let's just say, that the reward is a nice, almost dead-ish kind of sleep. Every morning I am like, "did I die or what?" Thank God for exhaustion.
This weekend Yllac got sick. His fever was so high it could touch the sky. I could cry too yah know. But I did not. I also prayed to God, Jesus and to Kris Aquino. I did not sleep until he was a little well. His skin was so hot I burnt all night. All his tests gave a good result so basically there's nothing much to do but to let his body develop a wicked immunity to this bacteria he's been fighting this week. I just let him chill and puke on me a bunch of times. PRO tip: motherhood isn't just all rainbows and sunshines, it takes guts and you gotta have a huge balls of steel to be one especially on days your baby is sick. Gotta take note of that future mothers.
Doing everything by myself gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment. This is exactly what I felt like on my early days of being a mom. My body so exhausted and I felt good as a super mom. Because when your baby reached toddlerhood, it's just all maintenance and play from there on. If you know what I am talking about?? I take Yllac to school four times a week (more about that later), so my life as a mom has been easy going. Sometimes I hate that - easy. I like it when I push myself hard cos that's the only way I can feel am living this life. Too easy means.....too easy. It's bleh. And there is nothing to that.
So anyway, id like to share some 4 weeks worth of photos but my laptop isn't ready for that yet. Gotta install photo editor/viewer or something... pardon me, I am a genius.
So, hi you! I've missed you.