October 7, 2011

I Hate That Wednesday

Sooo not cool
Not goodFeel bettet pls
Masage

I don't do sad very good, so Ill just hate.

i hate that wednesday (oct. 5)
i hate that Yllac got very sick on the afternoon of that day
i hate that it happened on the day Jayson was away from us
i hate that i took Yllac to the hospital without Jayson
i hate that i have to do it alone, haven't showered, and i haven't brushed my hair
i hate that yllac cried the whole time we were there
i hate that Yllac's pedia was away on some convention too,
i hate the doctor who saw Yllac instead
i hate that he was so cold and he won't look me in the eye
i hate that it was so hard doing it alone
i hate that we had to go home alone and not having anyone to help me out
i hate that Yllac was so sick he's very irritable and he just can't sleep
i hate that he was so hot, the room won't cool even with a full blast ac
i hate that he was so sick he won't stop crying
i hate that i got scared and nervous and scared some more as the night come
i hate that Yllac doesn't like my singing, dancing and the way i carry him that night
i hate that yllac hates everything that wednesday night
i hate that when yllac finally fall asleep in my arms while i was praying and i just couldn't contain it anymore, I cried
i hate that my sniff and tears woke him up again and he cried and kicked some more
i hate that i felt so helpless and alone and sad and sorry i don't know what to do next
i hate that this motherhood thing is hard
i hate that there are days that it is double hard
i hate that it isn't always laughter and giggles and walk in the park
i hate that i was so exhausted i couldn't get sleep
i hate that my parents are so far far far away from me, if they were here i'll never be alone
i hate that i am this person that's full of hate for that wednesday - the day i used to like

but it's Friday now. Thank God. My husband is here since Wednesday night so everything seems okay, though Yllac is still a bit sick (just viral infection) but I know i don't have to do everything alone.

There were moments Im not sure of myself, if what am doing is right. All I know is that i love my son. i really do. and i need my husband more that anything in the world.

12 comments:

ghoent said...

yllaaaac! =( sana tuluyan nang gumaling! at buti andyan na si husband. =)

Anonymous said...

Hi denise!

i love your blog. yours is the 1st one i visit every morning. I am glad Yllac is feeling well now. I was thinking the other day you're not blogging something must be going on with yllac and am really glad he's okay now. I hope you take your must needed rest too. i am not a mom (yet) and i don't have any idea of what moms do really but if ever i become one i will def read back your mommyhood entries.

Thank you for sharing denise. it must be scary doing it alone that wednesday night. you deserve a mush needed spa maybe?

xo,
paola

Glenn Encinares said...

Hi Denise, hope Yllac is okey now :)
I'm not a mother but I also took care of my little niece and yes I now how you feel when some one is sick in the family specially kids.
Every mother went to the same stage you've experience..and that's the part of the duties called motherhood.

God Bless :)

Ritchelle said...

i had the same fears or should i say hatefulness when my son got sicked just a few weeks, He was even admitted in the hospital for two days, it was hard. iniisip ko na lang gnun tlga. we just have to be strong and pray. first baby ko din he's only five months kya i'm still not used to things like this, but i have to start to. takecare and get well soon to ur baby.

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I'm Apple said...

kudos to all the mother for their bravery in accepting the duties in those hate days.

hope yllac will be feeling better now.

mera said...

i'm with you sis,, yung akin sabay pa nilagnat, and my newborn got allergies. Straight 3 days I was't able to sleep and the whole night we were about sleep(but couldn't)I was crying! It really hurts to see my kids in pain..

kath said...

it's always hard when our little one is sick..hope Yllac will feel better the soonest :)

babyaииE. said...

I know just exactly how that feels. I've been alone since the day I don't want to remember. And I am still alone in the world of parenthood. You're lucky you have a husband. Just think about us single mom;s who has to experience such. You just don't know how it feels to be alone with a sick kid with no one else to ask for help. All those fears and pains and burdens.

But anyway, I hope the cute one gets well soon. Stay inspired..

Miu said...

Poor Denise!
I feel with you and hope Yllac is better soon again!

Anonymous said...

I almost cried just reading your story. I'm glad Yllac is better.

Leng said...

you're doing good, denise. but wait, there's more... to come. just hold on. it's when you survive things like these that you become the perfect mother... smile!

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