March 8, 2011

Stay At Home

zebra print dress
zebra print dress

It was never known to me the amount of guilt a mom feels whenever she's about to leave her child to someone else's care until today. It's like leaving a peace of your heart somewhere far away from you. You don't feel complete and your mind travels back home ahead of you. 

We're supposed to go out today. Just me and my husband for a real date for the first time since we became parents. Yllac's more than 8 weeks young now and we're so lucky to have some help in our home whom we can entrust Yllac with. She's not a nanny. (Okay she's Koffy's nanny actually) But she's been with us since the fourth month of my pregnancy, when it became too difficult for me to perform all my household duties. I thank God for her because she's a trustworthy person, she's nice and I really love her. I've been training/familiarizing her with my son for the last two months and since Yllac is a lot bigger now I let her baby sit him in the afternoon for a little while. And I can tell, she's always looking forward to it. I don't know, but one thing is for sure, I am a jealous mom. c",)

So today, everything was set for our much awaited date. I've prepared everything for Yllac before we leave. We're not gonna be out for long, max is 3 hours, and by then Yllac will be asleep. I keep on convincing myself that He won't even notice that we're gone. Then i received a text from husband confirming our dinner date but I replied - NO, we can't, not for tonight. I just can't. Am not ready yet. Maybe ill wait for another month? Am not really sure why but am torn. I feel guilty over something I am not even sure what it is. Is there a mother out there? Please tell me this is normal. 

So this is my dress, supposedly for tonights date. Was planning on curling my hair, but since the date didn't push through i put it up again on my usual mommy hair do.

Today I've learned something about myself. Am really in that zone now. I have become a full time mom. 

dress: Jenevieve Gozum
shoes: Go Jane


i salute all my working mom friends and to all working mommies in the world, who works outside their homes and still do all the work at home. I know it is hard. Because ALL mothers are working mothers. Hooray!   



awww i salute you! You're a superwoman to baby yllac <3

Kookie B. said...

Awww, I love that you're embracing your role as a mom. If sa dog nga na first time ko lang ma-meet, attached na ako, paano pa kaya kapag your own child? I think what you're feeling or going through is ok.

By the way, i LURVE ze outfit! You look even chicer now that you're a mom! You look great in wedge boots!

Aisa.Paxie said...

awww that's normal babe. We adopted a baby dati and that's exactly how I felt everytime I go to the office. super torture. :) btw, love your outfit! so chica!

Che Barcelona said...

Hi Denise,

Awww! first of all I love your oufit! sayang! di natuloy date niyo ni hubby.. but I can understand what you feel! I am the same with my daughter..I always feel guilty leaving her with someone and ending up not going anywhere :P I feel you! That's just normal! but you have to do it or else you will end up being like me :( My baby and I have very bad separation anxiety and now its hard for me to go anywhere.. she cries when I leave the room.. what more if I leave the house :( You have to do it! but don't worry normal naman yung nafefeel mo..
btw, I am back please visit my blog!

mommyWYT said...

hi denise! hard to admit but i'm a "super" jealous mom too. it's always hard for me to leave my baby everytime i go to work. My MIL is taking care of her and sometimes she acts like she's the mother. but I'm still thankful that she's willing to help me.

gladi said...

When we became parents, I first felt like I've been robbed of my life because there was this new tiny person who took up all of my time. Even showers became a luxury. I had no sleep. I literally felt like a cow wanted only for her milk.

And then as time flew by, the feelings of "Where has my life gone?" turned into "This is where I belong. I'm happy where I am."

My husband had to force me to leave our son to go out once in a while. But since times are hard, I had to go back to work. I coped eventually and you will too.

Michelle said...

What was your husband's reaction to you canceling? :o

Congratulations on official-izing your full-time motherhood!

I grew up with a nanny but I never did prefer my nanny over my mom. :)

Lloyda said...

love your outfit denise!!!

ah i felt the same way too before but now i realize that i need some time for myself and of course i need to go to work. so i leave eli to his nanny. i always look forward to seeing him when i get home. don't you just love it when your baby smiles at you when he see you?

Anonymous said...

that's how i felt when i went back to school when my little was just 6 months old. it took a lot of getting used to but i was glad my mom was (and still is!) always there to look after her ;)

looove your outfit! and isn't it a comfortable pair, your booties? its my current fave now in my shoe cabinet! :))

Perfumed Red Shoes

KD faustino said...

fine, ikaw na talaga ang hottest mom. look at you in that dress and those shoes! add the bun! head to toe perfection!!!!!!!!!!!

Juls said...

ooh how i wish i cud be a fashionista mom just like u. :D

really luv ur blog. followed u. :D
i just started mine, hope u cud check it out.
thanks. :D

Sweet said...

I salute you are indeed an awesome think not everyone would give up something as fab and fun as a date with the hub but you were able to give up everything because of him....awww lucky dude!!!!

and yes...all moms are like that...


cherie said...

aww, i can imagine how hard it is to be separated from your child. But you look so chica in your dress and bun. :)

The Sea Green journal said...

Hi Denise!

How are you?

I salute all amazing mothers out there and I definitely agree with your post.

I love your shoes and the bun - I do that too when I'm swamped and have no more time to do something to my hair (which is always). Haha.

Have a food weekend ahead and hello to your little ones as well.



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