I cannot believe it. 18 months! This boy turned 18 months today. And I am freaking out. He is changing, constantly changing and it is just too fast. Sometimes I couldn't keep up. And the only way to keep up is to take a lot of photos and videos because honestly speaking from the bottom of my aching heart, mental pictures won't take all of it. For the past months there's this joy and ache from looking at him and see him grow so fast. He will never be this small forever and that realization made me sad. All I have to do and my job as a Mom is to savor every moment, spend every waking second with him because nothing else matters. It just makes me extremely sad thinking about every single beautiful moment of everyday with him, every wonderful smile and laugh, even the worst moments, knowing they cannot be relived again. It's gone. And somehow it gave me reason to hang on to him now. I need to memorize him. Remember everything. And keep up. Because from the looks of it, he won't keep up with me. As his Mama I will keep up. I will always keep up. Forever.