Looking Back

We miss Koffy everyday. Not a day gone by we didn't think of him. It had been more than two  months since we had sent our dear baby Koffy back to Heaven. It will always be painful looking back at the last six months of Koffy's life, but I have no choice but to look back, because that's the only way to remember him. I have regrets and I blame myself for all the things I haven't done for him. I cry for the things we do not have now as a family because he's not here anymore. I wish he could have lived longer for Yllac. I wish they were playing now. I wish Yllac would remember him just a little. Some say, it's for the better, at least I can focus being a mom of one. But I don't want my life to be easy. There will always be a dog in my  life who will solely depend on me. A helpless "child" i will take care for as long as forever. I have the unfortunately perspective of losing a love of my life. I wish my life was busy with two, a baby boy and a dog. But I loved them both with everything that I had in me, and in turn, they have taught me what it is to love, and to fight, and to hope, and ultimately, how to be a mother. One thing I have learned about letting go and mourning - it never gets easy. You move on, but a little sad part of you longs to stay behind. I really hope one day Id be able to remember Koffy without sadness. Someday....