Life Lately.... + Merry Christmas You Guys!

hello guys! 

I think i owe you an explanation.

Life After The End Of The World...

oh, nobody else here, just us two monkeys holding up a fort every night since Sunday

Hi you! Another end-of-the-world has come and gone, how are you holding up? 

So last Sunday, I woke up to a news of coming storm and cankle-deep water in front of our home. I am talking about my cankles here guys. Since I am three equal parts of chicken, wimp and puss, I rushed back inside to pack an overnight bag and took my chicken little with me to some place high and warm. Know what, I'm glad am such a mother-of-all-chickens because little did I know that this year's flood will reach our living room and that means another car trouble for me. I cannot deal with another car problem, so... woohoo God for you made me perfect : sissy and chicken and all that.

For the last couple of nights I was thinking a lot of things, most especially our home. I mean, the water went inside. I was trying my best to not think about it. I distracted myself with shoes (on-line window shopping), lots of ice-candies, books and the little angel on my shoulder must have gone dead because I wasn't reasoning with myself anymore. As a matter of fact I watched One More Chance for the very first time, drooling and smiling on my own each time John Lloyd looked into my eyes. Eeeek!!! Lloydie is a great illusion and distraction in one yummy sitting but I got to come back to Earth and face the mess of my home. Seriously, that movie is a bummer but John Lloyd is hot. By the way who names their kid Lloyd these days?

okay, moving on...

This morning I got a clearance from my good neighbor that I can finally come home. I miss my home, I really do, but I don't want to come home to a mess. At this point, putting my best chicken foot forward won't work. So here comes another fake courage from me unleashing my inner-zilla to take charge. On the way home I let my car blast off some Third Eye Blind and Jason Mraz and I find myself singing loud to it. I mean, its so catchy that even my chicken little is humming to it too. Somehow while getting ourselves a drive thru Jollibee food (yum) and singing to Jumper (Everyone's got to face down the demons, Maybe today, We can put the past away.....) I have become an emotional rock. You know, it does not mean having no emotions at all, it just means, I am slowly numbing myself to not let things get to me as much and use logic instead of the first emotion that pokes into my brain. To be honest, I've been exhausted for the last couple of days and going to just-been-flooded home with my toddler for the very first time since the storm hit our little town is a bit draining just thinking about the scale of the damage. Cleaning a mess needs a good strategy and it seems overwhelming to me as a one-clown-show with a cute monkey as my side kick. I feel tired already. So, I gotta do what needs to be done. First, I gulped down two Jollibee iced coffee to gear up (yahknow...drinking coffee makes you do stupid things faster), then i finally broke down and called my aunt to help me clean up. Yes, there's an aunt somewhere and she's thrilled to be hearing from me, even that one call is to ask for help. yup! prodigal niece.

..we like to dance and sing and take selfies in between cleaning up.

So, three hours later and an empty bucket of fried chicken , and an empty can of lysol, and not forget a big bouts of tantrums from my chicken little - the floors are clean, our home is mess free. Iiiiiii did it. With a lot of help from my Aunt of course and also today Id like to give myself a little credit for a job well done and for being brave when all i wanna do is hide under a rock. And for having the courage to slowly face this mess I don't ever wanna deal with. 

This week, before, during and after the storm I have learned to focus on fixing only things that are in my control. I even surprised myself that I haven't whined about the weather or boredom and all the things I normally rant over at facebook. I mean, Im not X-men's Storm to control the weather. (did i just give you Storm as an example? yikes. That's too much tv for me) The last couple of days I managed to practice saying, doing and thinking nothing when i felt like complaining or just getting angry at something. I mean, to avoid negative experience would be silly. That's something we cannot avoid while we're all here. But it's always effective to build a gap and shut up. Okay, i need more practice on this one. But seriously though, I just can't complain. My son and I are well, healthy and safe the whole time. So I got a lot of good things going on for me. Life's a peach. Also, it's good to know, this morning the world did not end.

Okay, I am a sap and a bit of melodramatic. Oh well, you know that by now.

So goodnight my dear hommies. I will leave you this photo of my baby duck while we were having our dinner on our table, in our home. Just us two ducklings being silly, making lots of faces and snot noises. I'm not particularly proud of this, this snot face I am making him do, but he's in this stage where he mirrors everything I do. It's a fun fun stage for both of us. Yah know, he still likes me and is not complaining yet.

I wish you a relaxing Friday and weekend with the ones you love. Take a long pause and savor the simple joys of everyday life. As long as we are here, we are truly blessed to be living this life.

ps,

while my boy is tucked away safely in bed, i can finally, slowly, calmly and completely fall apart because today I lost a couple of books.... To hell with reason, i love those books. So let me nurse my booboo away tonight, it's not about logic, it's love. Darn, I love those books.

Stupid Cliches, But some of them are true...

"choo choo"

So, my dear ladies and gentlegays..lets talk about this stupid cliche ei? Seriously I hate them. I tend to judge anyone who uses them in a conversation. Id be like, c'mon , please spare me, but you know and I know they ring kinda true. That's why i hate it. At the end of the day ( that's one cliche for you) they are always true. And lately I have been watching a lot of movies - romance, comedy and you know, some action too. I love me some classic ass kicking John Rambo.. Movies and cliches... I don't know the difference. At least 70% of the scenes are cliches.  So anyhow let me give you my list of "Cliches that Are True and Real Corny" in life and in movies. 

On top of my head, in no particular order:

1. love is baaah-lind. (even a toad knows this one)
2. one cup of strong black coffee, a splash of cold water and BAM your hangover is gone. 
3. beggars can't be choosers.
4. don't count your chicken before they've hatched. 
5. the hero can take anything, a bullet, a bomb explosion, walk through fire, a stabbing, but still strong enough to kill a battalion of villains.
6. pulis patola. 
7. looks can be deceiving.
8. time heals all wounds.
9. actions speak louder than words. (men is the master of this art, women will never learn this)
10. the husband is always shocked when the woman tells him she's pregnant. (duh!)
11. the ugly duckling  will always turn into a beautiful swan and boys , all boys will fall in love with her. 
12. there will always be some whizkid you knows how to hack the computer even pentagon. (where is this kid really)
13. there's no such thing as a free lunch.
14. another day, another dollar.
15. a bomb is disarmed with two second left. (cut the red wire or he blue wire???), oh the perspiration too.
16. gun standoff (two guns each person pointing left and right) and the conversation continues normally
17. there's always a kiss at the end of a love movie. 
18. johnny depp is always hot.
19. Alien. There's always an alien that wants to wipe out the world. But you know, HA HA HA, better luck next time. 
20. heros/tough guys with 6 pack and jumbo arms walking away from an exploding vehicle.
21. jumping out of the windows without a scratch. 
22. a looooooong scream of NOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! of fury. I mean, there's one in every movie. 
23. curiosity killed the cat.
24.  the good guys never NEVER fall off a fast moving vehicle while on top of it, while their foot steering the wheel.
25. the hero always gets the girl.

that's it for me guys... care to add more?

So, let's move on to another cliche part of this blog. The picture. Lotsa pictures of my life lately.

ever heard of, when it rains, it pours?

you gotta wipe your nose first and then your shades. I love this boy. 

where did my baby go?

mirror art

my bun and shameless selfie at the car shop... 

group cuuuuuuuddle... 

 

...and the rest of the car shop photos. Know what, each time i go to the car shop, i feel like i am going home with a  slightly bigger arm muscle and thicker mustache. 

Happy weekend folks. 

Collect Good Memories, Put It In Your Pocket, Save It For A Rainy Day

I am terrible at how I let things get to me. Some small terrible things in life, like plans not working out, or that rude lady I unfortunately dealt with recently, or problems. Yes, problems. Don't we all have problems. Some are silly problems, some are based on a real merit. I tend to focus on that small percentage of negativity in my life and forget about all the good and great things that made my life such a great one. I know my life is great. I know that. There are so many blessings I am grateful for. My family is healthy. All the people I love are very much alive, and that for me is a lot to be thankful for. Every single day there are people and instances that put colors in my life. All kinds of happy colors. Like the nice security guard in a pizza chain we go to who plays and guards Yllac from running out while Jayson and I sit and eat. We love him. Our neighbor who always smile at me. And our other neighbor with the rest of the Barangay Tanod who threw rocks at our roof at 1am alerting us about a certain trespassing snake. Seriously, how rude was that snake? Oh, by the way, the snake got arrested the following day. hah! So there you go, I love our Barangay police. They do care, and don't sleep. And whenever we  pay our bills, I think about how many people don’t have access to electricity, water, and to computers, the Internet or even a simple phone to call loved ones.  Don’t ever take your luxuries for granted. Or the person(s) who took the time to write to me saying how much she appreciate this blog and finds comfort and laughter on the stories I share. And believe me, it was a "high" moment for me reading those letters. 

But I am weak at times and I easily let go of my triumphant stuff over unkind critiques or just any kind of negativity. Yes, I am weak, but I am a seeker too. I constantly want to improve my life and my overall happiness as a mother, wife and person. It's hard but hey I am trying. Of course it’s all too easy to pay attention to the problems we have, but just like it says in one of my favorite books,- Don't Sweat The Small Stuff, it’s important not to let small problems turn into big mountains. I love that one, that is my favorite thing I say to myself over and over again. And it is always effective. To be aware of everything around us means considering the presence of both the bad and the good. I know I am terrible at making the good stuff stick at terrible times but I am working very hard towards my goal to be positive by remembering the good moments, the nicest people and strangers,  the kindness and all the blessings that do come my way.

Today, I remember this picture. It was March of 2009, Jayson and I were driving around, i was behind the wheels mind you, and we stopped here to take photos. I remember our shoes got all filthy and filled with ashes. I also remember that it was 3 in the afternoon and it was a hot day. So we both got sunburned and later on that day we got coffee. Now, thinking about it, so much has changed. I also remember, It was a great day.

Resolutions

I don't normally do this but I think I should this time. It's more fun and challenging, sort of an extra push to follow through with the things we wanna accomplish when it's written right? It's a blessing that every new year feels like a fresh start and a time for change. Every new year is a do over. 

So here's a few of my resolutions....

cry less

give up coke drink less coke. 

drink more water

take up sewing class

pay attention

see a bone doctor. enough with the googling

exercise

write. on a paper.
say I Love You more often

write to people. on a paper

be an excellent/awesome/cool driver

read more "intelligent" books

sleep early

plan

go out more

see people

cook

shop less

be nice

learn to drink red wine

be brave and confident mom

be a lady wife

give

do more

pray

those are just a few things on my list. Honestly I am really scared for 2013. There's gonna be a HUGE change (and it's coming up pretty fast) and these past few days of December prepped me for that. I am scared and excited at the same time. Id like to think of it as the first day of school. 

How about you? Do you make a list of your resolutions? 

Yes Man

Hey ladies.... Do we like shoes?

Hellowwww?

Does a bear go poo poo in the woods?

Darn it! It's a universal truth that no matter how healthy our self esteem, we all have little quirks about ourselves we wish we could fix. Some people wish they could sing better, or remember names better, others want to stop smoking or quit biting their toenails, or stop pick their nose while inside their car, or some people wish they had the courage to stop being nice to their evil friends. Me - I wished like hell that I'd learn to stop liking shoes. Or at least have the control to stop drooling at shoe stores. But I am a girl. I dream of shoes. I talk to shoes. Heck Id diaper them if they go wee wee. But it was the principle of the thing. Girls love shoes. Sometimes some of them run a bit huge on me, but then I find myself strategically thinking how many cotton balls Id have to stuff in the toes to wear them on my date with Jayson and Yllac. 

But I can see you're nodding. I bet you're crazy too. I mean we only got one set of feet but how come we buy lots of shoes? Ladies huh?..... I guess shoe menopause isn't happening or will never happen to all of us.

Fashion Blogging. The Ugly Truth

Denise Katupinera circa 2006.

Hi girls,

For the past months I have been receiving quite a lot of emails and messages on my on line shoe store. And guess what it's about? - a young blog(s), aka one month old blog,  asking for a "collab" aka send-me-free-shoes-and-I-will-abuse-your-shoes-for-total-exposure-among-my-less-than-50-readers-in-google-connect-and-15-followers-on-blog-lovin. Charming! Some emails starts with this - "I stumble upon your store a week ago and I think your shoes speaks for my style and I am open for collaboration." What? She's not even pretending to kiss my old fat ass or pretending to drool over my store since the day I started. 

And oh!, this one too, the best seller:

"Hi! I am open to sponsorships, ads and other projects. Visit my blog here ....  My style has always been self centered, it always depends on my mood, whenever I feel like wearing on a specific day. I am obsessed with sky high heels and rare clothes, clothes that barely can be seen in stores, which makes you stand out and some people will have a hard time finding the exact same dress you are wearing. It's always been a motto for me to "Never leave the house under dress" even without make-up I always see to it that I'm in my most fashionable outfit. I blog about everything though, fashion does not stop me doing other things. I also blog about my travels, making an emphasis on what i wear. I thank you so much, hope you consider me." So I clicked on her blog link and it broke my heart. There I saw her best picture with her best pose and best pout. And my reaction was, OMG girl, who hurt you? who did this to you? you want me to call the police? 

Everyday, I do receive these kinds of emails that make me mental slap my forehead each time I see how young and naive these girls are to fashion blogging. They have no idea what they're getting into. I have been meaning to address this whole brand sponsorship and collaboration with bloggers for months now. But weary on sounding offensive and to appear know-it-all are two of  my biggest fears as internet-Denise, while real life Denise's fear are  big hairy spider and the faaaareeeeking flying cockroach. And let's be honest and reasonable here because it has been a huge annoying dancing color-block elephant in the room among the fashion blogging community now. And I don't think these young bloggers know how to do it. This is not an attempt to pro-tip you on blogging. Believe me there is no such thing as the right or wrong way, but there is always the dignified way. 

First let me bullet point you some of the requirements to be a fashion blogger. (In no particular order)

1. If you're young, no job, let's say a teenager, you will need rich parents to buy you shoes, clothes and the rest of the trends. A loaded mom and dad to let you max out their credit cards.
2. btw you will need internet connection too, a computer and camera. And if you're lucky, a boyfriend with photographing skills to follow you around for your ootd. A plus point too if you have a mad Photoshop skills. That way you can always shoot yourself against your bedroom wall, away from the prying eye of the mass, so you can pout and pose your heart out.
3. If you're young, no job, no rich parents, still studying, you can always eat a big breakfast ala construction worker con carne everyday before school, skip the double grande mocha latte with whipped cream for instagram, so you can save money and hit the thrift store for a student budget friendly fashion. And I am serious about this. I always think that young people are supposed to be full of ideas, over flowing with creative juices, and skills and talent. So Diy, sew clothes, do alterations. A young girl with a Prada isn't really impressive. Okay, I am a bit jealous. But seriously, a mad emailing skills to ask brands for free stuff does not count as talent too.
4. A job! you will need a job to buy stuff. It sounds boring but that's the real deal. Fashion means clothes, shoes, bags, accessories. You need moolah to fashion blog.
5. Talent. Meaning you should be able to write. Produce a content. I know you can't always beat the top bloggers with their designer shoes and their affiliations and their puke inducing photo ops with the super rich and the botoxed and the semi-famous. But trust me, if you have an IQ of a thousand and can actually write, damn girl you are going places.You will gain readers, and I mean real readers that will come back to you everyday, with real comprehension ability for written words. Find your voice. Be a blogger with a cause extraordinaire. (that sounds cool ei?). 

Anything else? If you have something to add, please do so.

Now let's talk about these local bloggers who made it. Aka the Cinderellas of the blog world. The bloggers who gets invites everyday to attend events and do collaborations with brands. Please consider that these bloggers are old. (Peace!) When I mean old, meaning they have old blogs. Blogs they'd started from between 2005 to 2010 or even way before blog became a word. Maybe some of them were rejects from the field they love. Journalism drop outs, real life stylish girls and gays, snubbed by the magazine publications. These outsiders with talent, individuality and independent thinking who blogged as an outlet of their frustrations and inspirations. These are normal naive girls and gays (the innocent, organic kind) who work hard and thrive on passion with the power to express themselves. And after a couple of years, say 2010 here in the Philippines, the brands made a notice of them. That these girls and gays, the pioneer of style blogging here in our country, has the appeal and influence. And voila! the rest is fashion blogging history.

I do not mean to offend anyone by this post. I am pro blogging. I support blogging as a way to express yourself. So it's really sad how bloggers these days turned out to be. I love how the old school bloggers were so shy and really genuine with their blogging-success stories. How they squealed on the first email they received from a reader and how they almost died over the omg-I-can't-believe-this-brand-emailed-me for a brand collaboration. I am just sad how "collab" aka send-me-free-shit is used among young bloggers these days. I hate to compare these girls with a beggar but that's just how they are. A beggar is a stranger who knocks at your door throwing themselves at your mercy for a spare change and food. Their survival hangs by a thread to other people. At  least they are the legit kind of beggar. They are homeless, no family, no source of income, no internet, no twitter, no facebook. So don't beg. There is no dignity in begging and shooting thousands of emails for free stuff. You have a home, an iphone, so i believe in my heart of hearts that you have no resemblance to a beggar. If I put my own spin to this thing called collaboration these day, I would probably email Cebu Pacific and pose as a travel blogger to get a free airplane seat so I can put some content on my faux travel blog. See what I mean? Blogging itself is a already a privilege. And however huge you think you are in blogging, asking for a free shit isn't business like at all.

I guess the only unsolicited advice I can give to anyone, young people who read this is study, finish your education. How about education for the sake of education. Blog for fun. Do not blog for fame. No koryente, no internet. Goodbye internet fame. Don't blog for money. Stop reading the IFB. They are full of shit. When they said, we (bloggers) can command as much as $50,000 for a brand campaign. No. You won’t. Unless you are Atlantic Pacific or Rumi or Bryan Boy, no you won't. Only about 10 bloggers can do this. (And not one of them is a local blogger)You still aren’t one of them. And when they said, We’re legit enough to be awarded by the CFDA. Unless you are Scott or Garance, this in no way legitimizes your vanity blog. And don't quit your day job. DON'T. And prove yourself first. And do not compare yourself with other bloggers and please, please PLEASE do not clone these bloggers.

So, what does this mean for you if you’re a blogger? If you’re blogging because you’re hoping to retire at 30 with a closet full of free stuff and a bank account loaded with money from online sponsorships, you’re probably doing it wrong. It will never happen if your focus is all about monetize monetize monetize. Stop trying so hard to be a sponsored someone and try for interesting or fun or original for once.

love,

Denise Katipunera, one time second placer in the Bataan Provincial High School Debate 1996, thank you very much!

ps,

please don't hate me. I am a very nice person (ask my Catholic dead Grandmother) but not today. Not today. But you can always find in your studded-glitter-fashion-forward-heart the gist of this blog post. There is no intention of hate. Not now, not ever. Try to read this with an open mind. Pretty please? Pretty pretty please, with Brad Pitt on top? Thank you very much. 

pps,

here's part 2. Fashion Blogging and The Ugly Truth 2.0

On Being Beautiful

There was a time in my life that I hate so much. And I hate myself a million times for letting these ugly things happen to me. It was my darkest days. Full of hate and zero happiness. I see genuinely happy people, and I think to myself , I wish I had let myself feel happier. Then a genius thought came over me, that one afternoon I was all by myself boiling in ugly memories, crying and depressed. I had a silly thought that turned into a dream I will pursue for the rest of my days. I had realized that all I ever wanted for my life is to be beautiful. I wanted for my thoughts to be beautiful. I wanted for my home to be beautiful, my feelings beautiful, my words beautiful. I wanted a beautiful future, that everyday I will wake up to a beautiful day. I honestly wanted to fill every hole and aches of my life with beauty. I know it's a lot of work, I wanted it all because my life isn't beautiful at that time. It's a dream worth pursuing. It seemed crazy, silly and shallow, but to a person like me before, i was left with no choice. God made a beautiful world. Everywhere, we see the beauty he has created. A loving family, falling in love and friendship. There's beauty in every corner. The ocean, the animals, the stars at night are so beautiful. So living in hate, I feel like I am dishonoring God by ignoring all these beautiful things he created for me to enjoy. I prayed for passion in my life since then. Passion to feel and a deep understanding for all things different than me. Passion to learn and to somehow make an impact on what surrounds us. God created beauty and I am one of his creations, so why spoil it. 

I feel like I have a beautiful life right now. We have a beautiful life. We don't have everything and we always fall short. But I am far away from my sad hateful years. So I guess this is beautiful.

And my life now wouldn't be beautiful If I didn't let Jayson feel, everyday, how much I love him. I want it to be something he knows for sure every single night before he goes to sleep, no doubts, no questions asked.  

Life isn't beautiful without Yllac. I want him to be healthy and happy. And healthy and stronger each day. I can't imagine life without my baby. Sometimes fear would be so great just thinking about my son being sick. Oh I worry everyday. I am not entirely sure if that's a good thing but it keeps me loving him more everyday and to protect him, and be a Mom. I have learned that being a Mom for 17 short months now is about giving my whole self to him. It is about forgetting the world, the expectations. It’s about getting down on the floor, and really playing. It's not always easy but finding beauty each time I smell his hair, and sing to him, and whispering I love you's a hundred times a day, is all worth it. 

Life isn't beautiful without my coke zero. Lots of them. Life is so much beautiful with cheese and peanut butter sandwich and once a week bag of potato chips. All by myself.

Sometimes life sucks. But life is still beautiful. It's ones choice to live and think and speak in beauty. It's a choice I made years ago and I am pretty sure I made the right choice. For what it's worth, I have made myself a beautiful life. Never perfect. Just Beautiful. 

    

Anonymous

source

(This is probably the hardest blog post i've written so far, swear!)

First of all, i allow comments in this blog, many are truly inspiring, made me laugh and some are not so nice because I wanna keep the balance in my head. A little bit of evil feedback is good.

But....

Why is it that we know what is right, but still we do what is wrong? As hard as doing the right thing is, acknowledging our own responsibility is even more harder. We say nasty things and let "anonymous" take the responsibility for it. How in the world did we get to this sorry state, where we assume that honesty is speaking of awful things to a person and is considered part of your freedom and is a good thing? I hope you realize that all these comments revealed your inner contempt and your total disregard for others. To me and to all who read it. Besides, honesty and cowardice don't exist together. Saying horrible things may have felt good for a bit but let me tell you something and think about this real hard, the only people who don't experience a disturbing tension between the good that we're supposed to do and the evil we practice are sociopaths. It is the lack of guilty conscience that enables sociopaths to indulge their appetites for evil activities. And I hope in my heart you are not in that road.

I started this blog just for me and my husband, my friends and maybe the only person i expect to read this blog is my Mom and now my Dad because of Yllac. But I am glad that after so many years you have become a huge part of this blog too. Thinking about the nicest of people i came to know because of this blog... oh amazing feeling. This is my home and you are always welcome, a happy place for me and to all the people who enjoy and love to visit from time to time. In real life we do not go inside to someone's home and point to them one by one what's wrong with their home and boss them around. In the world of normal people we don't do that because that is downright rude in any culture and race. I figure that this blog gives me so much freedom and share that freedom with internet friends too. But I'm not open for insult and ridicule especially my family. I tried to ignore all those ugly comments and think that it will all go away in time, but it came to a point that it's not healthy anymore for me, my family and the friends of Denise Katipunera. I thought you comment anonymously because you don't have any url. I guess I assume wrong this time. Some people comment anonymously simply because they're not brave enough that's all. And honestly they remind me of the people who told me scary pregnancy stories back when I was pregnant with Yllac. I mean why do that? I am pregnant, which is a happy thing and you're scaring me? Personally It's my choice to remember what's good and pleasant and share that here because that is a good thing.

These last couple of weeks it made me think about entitlement. Funny thing, it used to be a big struggle for me. Huge! And after so many years i think it died now a natural death inside me. I used to think that i am entitled to some kind everything. That I am entitled to some kind of attention, some kind of love, relationship. friendship, loyalty, time, recognition, respect and to certain kind of life, and a whole lot more of my personal baggage i can't believe i carried for years. Now I just don't care anymore. I have learned to accept the littlest of things people can give me and appreciate that to the fullest of my being so I'll be content and be blessed by that. All things extra now, I consider them bagoong on my manggang hilaw. c",)

Am okay. Am good. 

And i apologize if some comments here offended you. And also I thank you for speaking for me. I appreciate the spirit of friendship so sweet within us.  

Once Upon A Time There Was a Boy Named Peter Pan, Who Decided Not To Grow Up.

February 2009

deeply, deeply sad tonight

it's one of those days..... i wish i (we) don't have to grow up.

WISHLIST

1. sleep
2. more sleep
3. sleep please
4. at least 8 hours of sleep
5. dreamless sleep
6. s l e e p
7. i don't want to be roused from a sound sleep without my baby boy spanking my butt like a bongo drum
8. an afternoon nap
9. sleep sleep sleep
10. sleep, that's all i ever want. Like now.

ps,
so, when and how is this thing called sleep ever be available online?

Two Oh One Two

April 2008, a photo of me by a friend Francis Estanislao

" When a sense of dissatisfaction persists, that means it was placed there by God for one reason only: you need to change everything and move forward." - Paulo Coelho

Baby Boy Woke Up at 4

So maybe I was thinking why can't I eat ice cream at 4
Maybe if I am tall enough Id look pretty tall
Maybe if I was blond I am funnier
Maybe if my foot is thinner and narrower if be (never mind)
Maybe today is the day Ill stop drinking full cream milk
Maybe I should cook more
Maybe Ill make pancakes for breakfast
Maybe I am melodramatic for always missing my husband, so i used his toner and his deodorant before going to bed as if he's beside me all night.
Maybe his scent is the best smell aside from garlic of course
Maybe I hate his work
Maybe I don't get why 24/7 cute as adorable husbands have to work, WHY?
Maybe I should stop complaining much
Maybe i should go back to sleep while Yllac's deeply having baby dreams and maybe I wake up to a more trendier version of me, like rock band trendy, cool hair, sexy smirk and lots of cussing like shut-the-ffffront-door!

oh well, maybe.

and btw, It's Yllac's 1st bday party today(tomorrow is his real birthday, december 24). Maybe he woke up early being excited for this day.

Everyday .....

an old photo, Summer of 2009

I wish I were big enough to honestly admit all my shortcomings.
Brilliant enough to accept praise without it making me arrogant.
Tall enough to tower over dishonesty.
Strong enough to welcome criticism.
Compassionate enough to understand human frailties.
Wise enough to recognize mistakes.
Humble enough to appreciate greatness.
Brave enough to stand by my friends.
Human enough to be thoughtful of my neighbor.
And spiritual enough to be devoted to the love of God.

-- Author unknown --

Lanvin Fall 2011. Goofiest.Fashion.Campaign.Ever! EVERER!

I got the moves too you know?? I call it the fitting room dance.

ps,
yeah that's Koffy on my old video too. Can't believe how tiny he was once.

pps,
yeah, can't believe my eyes. i was once tiny too.

August 08, 09 and 10

Just looking back at my Augusts of 2008, 2009 and 2010.

Thank God for this little blog. It's my way of holding on to my past. Because I get to remember some little things we did exactly years ago from how our day started, where we took our photos and even the little conversations we had. Blogging is a great way to sharpen my mommybrain, but it's just an icing on the cake compared to all the memories I get to relive looking at my old archives. It feels like living twice. I look back at my life and I am satisfied.

Dreaming

Spent the last hours of today thinking about my life and some things I am sure you probably thinking about too.

What if I were suuuper rich or won the lottery or i have a dying millionaire relative that has no other family than me and gave him/her money to me that's twenty six times taller than me to buy shoes and a new car and boobs and lipo and all things I don't have now, will I be the same person? Probably not. I love myself now but I wanna get rich too. Like filthy rich.

Hello my friend, welcome to my mind.

Oh Sunlight, Where Art Thou?

Hello Sun! How are you? I know, that you know how important you are to us, you of all star is the center of the universe. Don't take this the wrong way, but I love the cool weather now. I really do, but I kinda miss you. So in search for you, I dug up some old photos of ours to keep me warm in a not-so-sweaty-way. i know you're having great time relaxing now, somewhere. Take your time, but we haven't done our laundry in a week. I miss you, we need you. So when you finally decide to show yourself up once again, do not over react. Just take it easy. Warm up slowly. Don't stress yourself to much. But come back soon.